Every Once in Awhile
a book comes along that stuns you. The end comes and the breath is knocked out of you. Or you might have been gasping for air for the last one hundred pages. The book that most recently did that for me was The Double Bind by Chris Bohjanian. Never have I finished a book and went back about 20 pages to reread the end. I have never been a fan of surprises and contented myself with knowing how this seemingly predictable book ended. I was quite impressed with myself for figuring it out. Never have I been so happy to be surprised. I’m not going to say anything about the book because any hint I give could ruin the end for you. And it would not do Bohjanian’s work justice.
Normally I like my fiction to be escapist. Most people know that about me within 20 minutes of meeting me. Inevitably the topic comes around to reality television which I have a personal boycott against. Simply because my entertainment needs to be far from the realm of reality. Believe me, I’m not saying that I can relate to Paris Hilton, Christian Siriano, anyone from The Real World, Gene Simmons, or Flavor Flav. But I have to deal with real people at work, on the metro, on the phone. I don’t want to deal with anything remotely grounded in reality when I whittle away my few leisurely hours. And not to mention that stupid people piss me or or make me feel uncomfortable. And this is supposed to be entertainment. No, thank you.
So where is this leading…yeah I don’t really have a point. I just had to rant about reality television for a moment. Seriously, if the writers strike hadn’t ended I might have actually admitted out loud, perhaps in this forum, that all human beings had been substituted for bovines herded down the chute towards inevitable destruction. Too harsh? Well I have a personal boycott against Emenem. But I’ll spare you…
Only to discuss another masterpiece of the Great American novel. That would be The Lords of Discipline by Pat Conroy. This book has been around longer than I have been alive (Copyright 1980). That means nothing in the grand scheme of things. I’ve read a few other books by Conrad like The Great Santini, The Price of Tides, and Beach Music and loved them all. However, Lords is now my favorite. In keeping with his theme of strong male characters Conrad does not disappoint.
Will McLean is innocent at the beginning of the book and does not even resemble the word when it ends. The reader follows Will on his journey to becoming a man. But the story itself is so beautifully written that I would reread passages just for the beauty of the prose. And of course the wit sprinkled liberally throughout the pages would make me laugh out loud. I didn’t care if I attracted stares on the metro!
Conrad is a master of language. I mean the modern day kind. He uses words to paint pictures I see so vividly in my imagination that I am walking right next to the characters along their journey. But more importantly, you finish the book KNOWING the characters. Deep, visceral, voyeristic knowledge that no one should know about. He describes the inner workings of a man from inside out. As a woman, I firmly believe that a man cannot be as complicated as Conroy writes. But a man wrote this. I have no conclusion to reach expect that I am wrong.
Conroy and Irving make me scared to even try to write. To even think that whatever I say could possibly mean anything, that I could ever leave a reader breathless. But I know that I cannot command language like that. I remember in high school I received the most horrible, cruel, deliciously horrible insult. My closest girlfriend told me when we were driving to school one morning to shut up. Just shut up. “I don’t understand anything you are trying to say with all those big words”. While I understand now that my audience was more at fault than I – her words hurt. High school was that time in my life spent memorizing long lists of vocabulary words that might be on the SATs, writing for the Literary Magazine, and trying to impress my Creative Writing teacher. So why not try these exciting new words out loud in conversation?
There are three types of people in the world. Those who will ask you for a definition or a synonym for the word they don’t understand, those who will smile and pretend they know, and those who get mad.
I have never learned my lesson. I have never learned to temper my speech to my audience. And perhaps that was the lesson I learned that long ago day in high school. And even though I might mispronounce the cool, new word I learned from reading a book, I’ll still make the attempt. In fact, more often then not, I will. “Emancipated” when I meant “emaciated” is just one fun example I’m never allowed to live down. So when my boss asks me, “What the fuck did you just say?” I feel just a little bit better. Maybe one day I’ll command the English language after all.
Life…and stuff
I firmly believe that yesterday was a stupid day for everyone who works for me. Seriously. Sometimes I make mistakes, I will totally admit to that. But there is no possible way that I could have been misunderstood by every single man I gave an instruction to yesterday. For example, instructions to H – go to job site 1 and write a material list for what you will need, then go to job 2 and complete work, then go to supply house to buy material for job 1. Simple, right? Apparently not. I won’t go into what the other FIVE men didn’t do. It is really exhausting and makes me cynical this early in the morning about the fate of human kind, especially the male species.
I fell asleep last night at 8pm. Totally didn’t eat dinner, change my clothes, take my contacts out, or brush my teeth. In fact, I fell asleep on top of my comforter. I had intended just to read a chapter or two. I’m still working on Son of the Circus. Oh please, don’t read into the fact that I fell asleep reading it. It shouldn’t put most people to sleep. The fact I fell asleep cannot be attributed in anyway to Mr. Irving.
I saw Ms. Pettigrew Lives For a Day on Sunday. Incredibly cute movie. Most men I know would hate it. But Amy Adams is so adorable! And Frances McDormand. She is a genius. Her facial expressions alone make this movie. The actor who played Julius Caesar in Romewas in it too. He and Ms. McDormand have great chemistry. It is the perfect feel-good girl movie complete with happy ending. So of course, I loved it.
I am so glad Walmart decided not to sue that poor disabled woman for the money she won in her lawsuit. Sometimes media coverage can be beneficial for individuals. I love it when that happens like when I wrote about the Rape Case from Qatif a few months ago. The whole Walmart situation was unfair all around. The woman was hit in her car by a dump truck and suffered brain damage resulting in the loss of most of her short term memory. She is also confined to a wheel chair and lives in a nursing home. Her son, a soldier in Iraq, was killed shortly after her accident. As a result of her memory loss she needs to be reminded her son is dead and every time she is told she reacts like it is the first time she has been told. Sort of like Drew Barrymore’s character in 50 First Dates.
Luckily, the woman won her lawsuit from the auto accident. But of course Walmart’s health care policy has a provision in tiny size 6 font that says any monetary settlement from a lawsuit including medical expenses over a certain amount needs to be paid back. So Walmart sued for the money. This money is a little over $400,000 which was put in a trust for the woman’s long term care. The husband went to battle with Walmart and even appealed to the Supreme Court, which stated they would not hear the case. After he went to the media, Walmart decided not to pursue the money. Turns out there was a great deal of public pressure from the blogosphere and individuals writing to Walmart.
I believe Walmart did the right thing. This woman will never work again and he no potential earning power. Her husband had spent thousands on the lawsuits and was worried about paying for her long term care. In the end a corporation saved the government from having to support this couple. Which means that it saved all of us taxpayers from having to pay!! Bottom line – Walmart needs to revise their health care policies!
In keeping with today’s theme of the do-gooding media, take today’s example from the Washington Post. Imagine you are the parent of a 7 year old child and getting a phone call from the school saying your son spanked a little girl on the bottom. But then they say that they called the police, your child was going to be suspended, and have a label in his school record saying that he sexually harassed a schoolmate. All at 7 years old. WTF? Seriously!
So the paper was trying to get this story out in the open so this poor boy’s mother could advocate for the Virginia school system to perhaps rethink some of their policies.
The Virginia Department of Education reported that 255 elementary students were suspended last year for offensive sexual touching, or “improper physical contact against a student.” In Maryland, 166 elementary school children were suspended last year for sexual harassment, including three preschoolers, 16 kindergartners and 22 first-graders, according to the State Department of Education. Statistics for the District were not available.
How on earth could a preschooler or kindergartner do anything that could be labeled sexually offensive? This country has a serious problem with sexuality. If a four year old presses his face in his teacher’s chest while giving her a hug and she presses charges against the boy that says a lot more about the teacher than the boy. Why ruin that boy’s future because he was imitating behavior or doesn’t know any better? If a child cannot even define the word sex, I don’t think they should be held accountable for sexual harassment or sexually offensive behavior. Then perhaps we can keep sex out of our elementary schools. It starts early enough as it is.
Venus Obsequens 